Updated January, 2026
How to Calm Your Anxious Child
A steady, practical approach for school-aged kids
Do you have an anxious child?
Many parents today are carrying a lot of worry, not just about what their child is feeling, but about whether they’re doing the right thing in response.
A common concern I hear is this:
“My child seems anxious all the time. Should we be seeing a therapist? Do we need an evaluation? Medication?”
As a parent coach, former teacher, and mom, I help parents respond to anxiety whether or not there’s a diagnosis. Sometimes professional support is absolutely appropriate. And sometimes, small shifts at home can significantly calm the nervous system, for both parent and child.
What Anxiety Really Is
Anxiety isn’t misbehavior.
It isn’t weakness.
And it isn’t something a child can simply “think their way out of.”
Anxiety closely mirrors the body’s stress response.
You may recognize this as fight, flight, or freeze; a hardwired system designed to protect us from danger. When the brain senses a threat, the body floods with stress hormones to prepare for action.
That system is incredibly useful in real emergencies.
The problem is that anxiety triggers the same response when there is no actual danger.
What Anxiety Feels Like to a Child
When a child is anxious, their body is doing exactly what it was designed to do—just at the wrong time.
Inside, it can feel like this:
“I hear what you’re saying, but my body doesn’t believe it.
My heart is racing. I feel sweaty. My stomach hurts.
I want to feel better, but my body feels out of control.”
In that state, reasoning and reassurance don’t land.
Not because your child isn’t listening but because their nervous system is in charge.
What Doesn’t Help (Even Though It’s Well-Intended)
When a child is anxious, parents often try to:
Reassure (“You’re fine.”)
Explain (“There’s nothing to worry about.”)
Solve (“Let’s fix this.”)
Those responses make sense but they rely on the thinking brain, which is offline during anxiety.
What Does Help: Regulate First
The most effective response is to address the nervous system, not the story.
Research shows that slow, deep breathing can shift the body out of fight-or-flight and into a calmer state. The body begins to settle within one minute, and noticeable physiological changes happen around five minutes.
The next time your child is anxious:
Sit with them
Model slow, steady breathing
Invite them to breathe with you
No lecturing.
No convincing.
Just calm presence.
This helps their body feel safe again.
Then—and Only Then—Talk
Once the nervous system settles, the thinking brain can come back online.
That’s when it makes sense to:
Name feelings
Talk through what happened
Discuss next steps
Teach coping skills
Regulation first.
Conversation second.
A Note for Parents
An anxious child doesn’t need a calm script.
They need a calm adult.
Your steadiness matters more than the perfect words.
And if anxiety is frequent, intense, or interfering with daily life, professional support can be an important part of the picture alongside what you do at home.
If You’re Feeling Unsure
If you’re wondering whether your responses are helping or unintentionally increasing anxiety, a Parenting Behavior Audit can help you see patterns clearly and decide what to adjust; without blame or overwhelm.
You don’t need to fix everything at once.
You just need a steadier place to start.
